Honestly, I still don't understand this "silent war" I'm having with my ate. Her tantrums really pissed off everyone in the family. Konting backtrack… few nights ago she accused me of meddling with her stuff (her cellphone, particularly) and telling me im super maarte when it comes on looking for work . and me, angry at her for meddling the way I run my life, we've been with each other's throats. We gradually get tired of it and up until now, we're still giving each other a cold shoulder.

I won't give details on this. I'm sick of replaying and being reminded of all of these each time...but I tire of this. I don't care anymore. But still, she's my sister. My dad’s having a hard time putting us together but neither of us wants to give way. Its pointless. Its senseless. Pero paulit ulit lang kasi.

Call me stupid but I won't go down and apologize for something I did not do! But what am I to do? Should I swallow the pride of being younger kasi mas nakakatanda pa rin sha? Or am I to wait? Eh what if I always do the same thing.

Frankly, I'm sick of it. I might as well wait for a long time. Each time she says something derogatory about me, I want to shout at her- I want to slap her just to let her realize that she doesn't see the real picture. What the hell does she know?!

I don't want to point out that she's overly insensitive (even that's the truth).

I'm not proud of this admission, okay? At least, there's an improvement that we're now talking civilly. Thanks to everyone in the house.

As for my parents, same old story. I haven't told them what I had planned to do. Probably, I'll just tell them when I have already felt sure. But they're already pressuring me. I can't blame them- it's already November.

But I think that I'm slowly regaining my ability to dream again. Something that I have lost this past few days I became cynical.

And I already learned my lesson that I won't listen to those who will deter me- whatever they are, whoever they might be. I have to prove them that I deserve this chance to build myself again.

Maybe someday, I'll still find realization to my dreams.