I sleep so much these past few days. I sleep even after eating. Even if I have all those 8-10 hours of sleep I still feel weak and well-- sleepy. I think I am suffering from hypersomnia. A friend told me (she's probably reading this right now) that maybe because lately I don't eat much.

Hell, I lost my appetite too. I look at food and just feel sleepy. I try to talk but all the topics around me bore me to hell. last week, i worried too much because of the typoon that hit manila. then my friends been babbling stories about MR. RAKSTAR.

I actually don't want to sob because I know everyone's tired of listening to me right now. I just feign interest and they go on and on about their boyfriend, their anniversary, their shallow insecurities and I just sort of comment every now and then.

Sometimes I shed a tear a two but they didn't notice. It's funny. And when I am all alone I feel somewhat at peace because I don't have to be frustrated at seeing someone and hoping that they'd ask me how was I or how things are going. They never asked me. They'd go on and on about their own needs and I just let them be although deep in my heart i want to be comforted.

Yes, it's selfish, it's g*ddam selfish of me to think of those but hell when was the last time that I'd been selfless?

A few days ago, I was almost devastated. But of course... I couldn't say it out a loud because once again there was no comfort offered only doubt and just some nods that they heard you or something. So now, I learned now that whenever you feel something, something deep paining you you oughta hide it within. People just don't understand. Only you can help yourself and only you can heal yourself.
I learned that the hard way.

From now on, I am my only confidant. From now on, this journal will be why sort of punching bag. At least I know this won't respond not because it doesn't want to but because it can't.

Right now im sick. my asthma hit me again after such a long time.

errr