Happiness is not being pained in body or troubled mind- THOMAS JEFFERSON

And im not happy.
My life is like one big giant on and off switch. One minute im on top of the world. Then suddenly as if someone pushed the OFF button and my so-CALLED LIFE grinds to complete halt.

Since the day ive arrived here. yes, I can laugh again in spite of the homesickness feeling im enduring but No matter how hard I try to be happy. I cant. Really. Every time I saw my dad happy with her someone. It will always remind me of what I had gone through last summer. While we were there… struggling and painstakingly making a life out of nothing. Ayan sila, nagpapakasaya. I cant hide my tears every time the thought passes my mind. Masakit. Kaya siguro. Pag naaalala ko si mader at kahla. Naiiyak pa rin ako. Its only 2weeks but its like forever. i would cry when i would open my eyes and i would cry before i would sleep. Parang ang dami ko ng hindi alam sa kanila. I had no one to share my sentiments with. Although nandito si ate blaunch, pero ayoko ng ikwento pa sa kanya lahat ng yun…

My mom called this morning, crying. Again. I cant really take my tongue out, but I want her to know that ive been praying so hard to St. Jude that I can prove to her my existence. my worth for the family.

I stopped dreaming for myself. TOTOO YAN.
Lahat na ng ito. Para nalang kay mama at kahla.