3 days to NEW YEAR’S EVE. The rush, the panic, The List — the New Year’s Resolution List.

3 days to NEW YEAR’S EVE.
The rush, the panic, The List — the New Year’s Resolution List.
I gave up on The List a couple of years ago. I know what the self-help gurus say about writing it down to “cement” it and to have something tangible to hold yourself to, like a contract. But nine times out of ten, these resolutions never make it past paper.
The trouble with The List is it’s too much pressure. The state of mind is too hopeful and light at this time of year that people tend to write down unrealistic resolutions. Take some of the doomed resolutions from my own List in past years:
• Starting a healthy diet and/or exercise regimen – FAILED!
As a Filipino at the tailend of the holiday season, I’ve already set myself up for failure with this resolution. With all the leftovers and obligatory visits to relatives/friends, a diet isn’t likely to survive two minutes in the face of Pancit ( Chinese Noodles) and Leche Flan (Crème Caramel) in all its incarnations. And exercise after all that food in this sultry weather? It only happened in my dreams.
• Organize the house/room/office — FAILED!
If there is only flash of fireworks and smell of pulbura (gunpowder) conjures up visions of sugarplums dancing on my head and illusions that I could easily organize any room in my house/office in a day or two. And of course, when I start to get down to it, I never know where to start. After a few frustrating hours, I end up hiding documents and clutter at the back of the closet instead of organizing it — I’m back where I started.
• Change bad habits (including, but not limited to drinking, obsessive behavior) — FAILED!
Yes, I know the touchy-feely moments with family and friends tend to bring out the hopeless romantic in the most jaded people. Grand promises are made, and for a moment it’s easy to pretend it can really happen. When the luster of the New Year fades, so does this ubiquitous of all resolutions.
And my favorite resolution on The List:
• Become a better person — FAILED!
Usually this resolution is all about me trying to change my lifestyle to be more environmentally conscious or to control my temper better. This has always set me up for loads of guilt and disappointment every time I fall short of that picture of perfection I have in my head.
So I’ve mixed The List altogether and what do you know? I’ve finally taken up a sport I can be passionate about and I’m still actively doing it three years later. Although it’s still a struggle to lay off the junk food, I’ve been more vigilant about my diet without beating down on myself. And aside from the stable weight loss, I’m happier, too.
So what’s the secret? There is none! I just remembered a few simple facts of life that everyone eventually realizes after some trial and error:
• The list is not the be-all and end-all.
Making a list is not the point. The point is taking a step forward by putting down your plan of action where you can see it; a reference point. But a reference point is just that, a pointer to the goal. The goal is not to cross out the list. The goal is to accomplish the things on the list.
• Make it short.
It was easier for me when I limited the list to about 5 or less immediate goals for the year instead of a dozen. Just one major thing can be overwhelming, let alone a dozen or more. That item I listed before, “organize room,” took me months because, like the typical middle-class consumer, I have a closet crammed full of clothes, bags, shoes and knick knacks that have to be sorted out. I also have a bursting bookshelf and collection of toys and lunchboxes that are encroaching on every inch of floor space I have left in the partition room where I am staying.
Also, I kept the sentences short and to the point. No conditions, no ifs or buts. For example, I wrote, “Learn and play Badminton” not “I promise to go to the nearest Badminton court (Find me in Satwa!) and learn to play Badminton so I can lose weight, etc. etc.” This way, my mind stayed focused on what I needed to do, and I didn’t put unnecessary pressure on myself.
• Be very specific and task-oriented.
Like I said before, in my revised non-List list, I wrote down “Learn and play Badminton.” I didn’t put down, “Take up a sport that I will stick to” or “Lose weight by taking up a sport.” It pays to be specific. When I knew that I just had to do this one thing, I went ahead and did it, and the benefits I wanted immediately followed without the stress that usually accompany such resolutions.
I was also able to organize the mad chaos of my room by writing down, “arrange my bookshelf” and “give old and unused clothes to the orphanage,” instead of the general statement”organize room.” After putting order to my shelf and closet, it was a matter of just moving from one area to the next.
• Set a realistic timetable.
While it was specific and easy to understand that I needed to organize my bookshelf, it could still have ended up on my FAILED list if I didn’t set a timeframe for myself. I knew that my calendar after the New Year celebrations would be full of meetings and trips to Creek Transit. So I set aside two hours every Saturday to organize my bookshelf.
It wasn’t done overnight, but I didn’t feel frustrated because I was doing something concrete to finish this specific task. The most important thing was, by the first month of the New Year, I had accomplished at least one resolution. It seems like such a small thing, but the feeling I got for (finally) finishing something on that list got me on a roll.
• Make it a guilt-free list.
Lastly, as much as I love promises and resolutions and challenges, the point of having a list like this is to have a happier, fuller life. Becoming obsessed about it defeats the purpose.
Before when my sister saw me agonizing about an item in my list, she scoffed, “It’s just a list, you know.” And after the initial outrage I felt toward her (how dare she belittle my efforts!), I realized she was right. It is just a list, and if I don’t accomplish everything on it before the year is up, the world isn’t going to end. I can always start over. And here I am, starting it over.
Happy New Year’s Eve, folks. Eat too much and steer clear of the pulbura.