She's Too Young

I watched this movie last night at the Hallmark Channel. It's about teenage sex. In the film, a bunch of fourteen year-old kids have been diagnosed with syphillis, a sexually transmitted disease. Some of them have had sex with not one, not two, but almost twenty sex partners.I've always had an open mind about teenage sex. I knew it was wrong and immoral, but I was never against it. I've always believed that because this is a stage wherein kids our age begin to have raging hormones and are not yet fully responsible to handle certain things, sex is hard to control. And like they always say, iba na ang panahon ngayon. Kids are more liberated and "wild".But this movie opened my eyes to different realities.

1. I learned that it is best to wait for the right time before having sex for it may bring many dangers that may ruin our lives forever.

2. I also learned that I should stick to the values my family and my schools have been teaching me. The "right time" is when we are married. The "right partner" is the person we love.

3. Hindi nagbabago ang panahon. Each person just has his or her own values.

Like what I said earlier, teenage sex is still hard to control. There are many factors that influence and play with the minds of teenagers --- TV shows, their environment, song lyrics. This is why I believe that kids should be guided by their parents and the school until he is mature enough to know his responsibilities and limitations. Sad to say though, that not everyone has the privelege to be raised up properly. That's why I am lucky.

Again, we just all have to wait for the right time. And when that right time comes, I'm sure it'll be beautiful and much more exciting. ;)You may catch the movie again at the Hallmark Channel.

getting a life and moving on...

i considered everyday of my life is in doldrums. yes, i may sound so nega here but thats the way i see it. infairness i would end up concluding that those loneliness im getting would help me up to seek my own happiness. (thank god im taking my way back to sanity.. again!) labo ba? malabo talaga ako. most of my emotions i poured into my past journals can be summed up in one BIG word: SADNESS- and my response to that? HAPPINESS siyempre. how? i always try to find time for my self. i watch gigs, listen to music, rearranger my blog, text and call unlimitedly. my source of happiness is still myself for you info. most of the time kahit feeling ko walang nakakaintindi sa akin, pinipilit kong maging okey. no one undertstand me unless they've been to my situation. sometimes i feel so helpless. tapos minsan pag nandun na ako sa point na yun, nagakkataon na no one is available. no one is there to listen, to answer my fucking sentiments in text. kaya nga i learned to suppressed all of my pain.

how i wish from chronic depression sana hindi maging heart attack ang aabutin ko nito.

haay wag naman..

life goes on...

move on move on paula.

someone told me that im gaining weight lately...
ummmm.. it was not very good too hear especially now that i am more concer on my tummy... argh!
i hate it. it grows bigger and bigger everyday. wala kasing ginawa kung hindi kumain. niykes ang panget talaga.

vacation is near, tiyak ko hindi ako makakapag diet nito.


=( sad paula

i'm damaged inside,

still i act cool.

sabi ko na nga at walang nakakaintindi sa akin.
tatanunging ako kung ano yung problema ko tapos yung ineexpect kong sagot, hindi yun ang madidinig ko. instead, yung sisi agad. na-iinsecure tuloy ako sa sarili ko. kahit anong gawin kong tama, mali pa rin sa iba. hindi man lang naaapreciate kahit yung maliit na bagay na ginagawa ko sa tang * inang opisina na yun. hindi man ako pagod physically pero emo at morally tortured ako dun. lagi nalang akong may emotional baggage. kahit pag dating sa bahay, sasabihin ng mama ko, nagpapaapekto lang daw ako sa mga officemate ko, kasi im havign the same reactions daw towards my boss. eh pano nga kung yun lang ang dapat na reaction?

hirap na nga ako sa pagpigil ng gusto kong sabihin, tapos kahit yung malapit sa akin hindi ako maintindihan???

konting pang-unawa lang hinihiling ko!

before i think our calling is not necessarily quitting our job and searching the wilderness and trying to find the meaning of life. i rbelieve that my CALLING is being able to do my best under the circumstances im in. its all about doing my work well and trying to help people the best way i can, given the situation im in and ultimately, my test is this- IF I CAN LOOK AT THE MIRROR EVERYDAY AND I LIKE WHAT I SEE, THEN I KNOW I AM LIVING MY CALLING. but what if i dont see my REAL self anymore??? what if im seeing my SUPERFICIAL SELF??? what if i hate what i see?

i think sometimes its just a matter of looking at the mirror and realize that OUR calling is inside all along.


help me find myself.

please

eto text ko sa mama ko nung nalaman niyang plano kong magresign sa trabaho ko.

"ma, hindi ko kailangan ang PAGHUHUSGA o kahit anong paninisi sa huli. mas kailangan ko ang suporta niyo dahil hindi rin madali sa akin ang magdesisyon. lam niyo namang matagal kong hinintay 'to na dumating. pero hindi ko na kaya pang magtiis sa isang bagay na labag sa loob ko.sana maintindihan niyo ko, ang pinagdadaanan ko."

but until now, wala pang reply si mader. ano man yun ayaw ko ng hintayin, ayaw kong basahin. natatakot ako sa magiging reaction nila. ano man yun hindi ako takot.


binibigyan ko ang sarili ko ng TANING.

naisip kong bigyan yung sarili ko ng pagkakaabalahan kaya i joined a non-civic org and it was fun to know that i can give help in some little ways. i just hope that i can maintain my duties & responsibilities. Buti na ito. atleast im compensating kesa naman im CRYING or THINKING all the time.

=D

im just waiting for GOD to lay his hands over me..

im so sick and tored of what's happening with my life. i want some CHANGES. unlike before, i am no longer afraid of whatever effect of CHANGE will bring to my fucking life. i know that there is something store for me but i dont know until when will i going to wait for that BIG MOMENT. nakakainip.

im beginning to HATE my self, to LOOSE trust to myself. and most of all IM LOOSING myself; my OWN SELF. those people around me never considers my feelings. right now, i dont know how to define SANITY to INSANITY anymore. feeling ko wala na ako sa sarili. im weighing myself in between actually.

sawang saw na ako sa buhay ko!

kelan kaya ako ulit liligaya?
tang- *na gusto ko ng magalaho sa mundo.
sana pagtulog ko mamaya hindi nalang ako magising. i hope i'll have a peaceful sleep. im ready to resign myself to fate. OH GOD PLEASE LET ME!

i am no longer afraid of death but i FEAR dying. im afraid of the PAIN and what my LOVED ones have to go through. takot akong mag-suicide baka hindi ako matanggap sa langit at ayokong ako ang gagawa sa ikakamatay ko. kaya lagi nalang akong nagdadasal kay LORD na wag na niya akong pahirapan. kunin na niya ako sa PAGTULOG ko.

my life is in mellow dramatic stage and im painstakingly fighting every sucking time of it. being in DOLDRUMS is not easy you may think. what im going through right now is what i call. MID-LIFE CRISIS.

halo-halo yung gumugulo sa isip ko.

sa CAREER
sa PAMILYA
sa SARILI KO
sa LOVELIFE.

ewan.

sa edad 21, alam mo yun parang kulang sarili ko, parang abnormal, parang kulang ang oras. parang mabagal ang phasing ng buhay ko. parang walang nag-aapreciate at umiintindi sa akin kahit pa alam kong MARAMI AKONG KAIBIGAN pero ASAN SILA NGAYON? KUNG KELAN KAILANGAN KO NG TULONG AT MAKIKINIG sa akin. saan? WALA.

living in the past..

occasionally i find myself dwelling in the past and entertaining the notion that the GOOD OLD DAYS will MAGICALLY come back.

letting go of someone you REALLY love and cherish is quite difficult. you'll never know where to get the emotional strength and wisdom to achieve this feat. May time na i want to hold and yet i want to end everything. Kahit yung memory ko minsan gusto ko na ring mawala para hindi ko na siya maaalala pa.

i am so affected lately by the VALENTINE sadness syndrome. i dunno i feel that im lacking something kahit ano pang deny ang gawin ko sa sarili ko. MALUNGKOT ako. tama. sa edad ko feeling ko nahuhuli na ako sa iba. feeling ko abnormal. ang panget ng feeling lalao na pag na-aawkward ako pag napag uusapan yung LOVE life.

all i know is that im inlove and will always been inlvoe with this star who will never ever fall for me.

sana kahapon nalang ulit para masaya ako.

welcome to my new home!

finally.

new home
new insight
new life.

im taking away my past so that i can move on... (hopefully!)


hope to hear from all of you again...