getting a life and moving on...

i considered everyday of my life is in doldrums. yes, i may sound so nega here but thats the way i see it. infairness i would end up concluding that those loneliness im getting would help me up to seek my own happiness. (thank god im taking my way back to sanity.. again!) labo ba? malabo talaga ako. most of my emotions i poured into my past journals can be summed up in one BIG word: SADNESS- and my response to that? HAPPINESS siyempre. how? i always try to find time for my self. i watch gigs, listen to music, rearranger my blog, text and call unlimitedly. my source of happiness is still myself for you info. most of the time kahit feeling ko walang nakakaintindi sa akin, pinipilit kong maging okey. no one undertstand me unless they've been to my situation. sometimes i feel so helpless. tapos minsan pag nandun na ako sa point na yun, nagakkataon na no one is available. no one is there to listen, to answer my fucking sentiments in text. kaya nga i learned to suppressed all of my pain.

how i wish from chronic depression sana hindi maging heart attack ang aabutin ko nito.

haay wag naman..

life goes on...

move on move on paula.

someone told me that im gaining weight lately...
ummmm.. it was not very good too hear especially now that i am more concer on my tummy... argh!
i hate it. it grows bigger and bigger everyday. wala kasing ginawa kung hindi kumain. niykes ang panget talaga.

vacation is near, tiyak ko hindi ako makakapag diet nito.


=( sad paula

i'm damaged inside,

still i act cool.

sabi ko na nga at walang nakakaintindi sa akin.
tatanunging ako kung ano yung problema ko tapos yung ineexpect kong sagot, hindi yun ang madidinig ko. instead, yung sisi agad. na-iinsecure tuloy ako sa sarili ko. kahit anong gawin kong tama, mali pa rin sa iba. hindi man lang naaapreciate kahit yung maliit na bagay na ginagawa ko sa tang * inang opisina na yun. hindi man ako pagod physically pero emo at morally tortured ako dun. lagi nalang akong may emotional baggage. kahit pag dating sa bahay, sasabihin ng mama ko, nagpapaapekto lang daw ako sa mga officemate ko, kasi im havign the same reactions daw towards my boss. eh pano nga kung yun lang ang dapat na reaction?

hirap na nga ako sa pagpigil ng gusto kong sabihin, tapos kahit yung malapit sa akin hindi ako maintindihan???

konting pang-unawa lang hinihiling ko!