i went to SM manila yesterday to stroll and to kill my boredom. when FARAH texted me she saw me daw around the mall and she asked if ill be watching rivermaya gig at around 4pm. it was already 3:00. i didnt notice the poster on the escalator. kala ko joke lang ba yun. so i texted my sister if she could come with me. na excite ako biglang mapanuod sila.

its past 4pm and the front act which was SOAPDISH started to play already.

nakita ko na yung ibang grounder. kahit awkard sa akin, i went to their place. konting chikahan. few minutes later, start na mag set up yung RM.

nagpunta na kami sa harap ng stage. i saw kurt there. thank god he still recognized me. kamustahan lang. tapos ininvite niya ako sa gig nila sa seguijo. i politely declined pero i promised na next time na talaga. actually ang dami ko ng utang sa kanya. at medyo luma na yung CD ko, wala pa ring pirma.

ayun, back to RM.

first time kong narinig na tinugtog nila yung WILDANGEL CANDY. Kala ko sa SINGAPORE lang nila kayang tugtugin yun. =D

parang first time. parang newbie, parang groupie, parang yung mga katabi kong bagong grounders na walang humpay na vinivideo at pinipicturan si rico. lumayo ako, hindi ko alam kung bakit. napunta ako sa kapatid ni japs. mas lalo akong nahiya so bumalik ako sa harap. nakita ako ni mike habang tumutugtog. he smiled wholly and i've read his lips saying "BAKIT NGAYON LANG AKO?". tapos tiningnan ko pa yung nasa tabi ko o nasa likod ko kung sila kausap ni mike. AKO pala talaga kaya tumawa ako mag isa.

medyo nagkaprob yung audio at nasira snare ni mark. kaya medyo huminto ng 10 minutes. medyo mukhang badtrip na nga si rico eh. pero buti nalang natuloy kahit sabog ang bass ni japs.

after nun set at authograph signing.
nagpakita na ako kay japs at mike. sabi ni japs bakit ang tagal ko daw hindi sila sinipot. eto naman si mike nangulit, bakit daw ganun itsura ng celfone ko? namangha sa sa tig-80 pesos na transparent na casing...

tsaka palang dumating yung kapatid ko. sabi ni mike himala daw talaga.

himala nga talaga.
pero masaya ako.

=D

Siya si charlotte. Hindi siya babae, pero we just named him
after the popular cart00n series that time. I was 2nd yr HS then. CharLotte was so nice and truly our family's best friend. He often barks because the only thing he d0es was to welc0me everyb0dy who came to our house by smelling their ass's.

With his big eyes, matatak0t talaga sin0 man yung makakita sa kanya, pero kabaliktaran sa akala. He died last thursday of unkn0wn reas0n. All of a sudden he just run out of breath and found myself crying after few minutes. Ganun kadali. Wala namang sakit or watsoever condition. Sabi nila heart attack daw.

Few weeks ago, i told my m0m, that i dreamt that daddy died and ate was sick. Because i came from a family who still believe in superstiti0n, m0m related what happen to our dog in my previous dream. Sabi nya, INAKO daw ni charlotte yung masamang mangyayari sa daddy or ate ko. Actually naalala ko rin yung aso namin bef0re kay charlotte, that was exactly what happen, bago umuwi si daddy galing saudi he had a min0r injury on his left knee. It was close to accident daw, buti nalang god pave way for his safety.

I miss him sobra. It was like loosing a family member. I know, 10yrs is a considerable time already and he served us enough. Sana lang he kn0ws h0w grateful our family is to have him for a while.


" there is something i learned about the dead. they lived on. they turn into dust and become part of the earth and the wind blows them up they're in the very air we breathe. and their words live on in our minds, reutring without being called. we hear them in our waking hours and hear them in our dreams, their words more powerful urgent than they were first uttered"------ ARLENE CHAI

hindi ko hiningi pero dumating.
hindi ko inasahan, pero sobra pa ang binigay.
siya pala na lagi kong kausap, lagi kong kasama.
ayokong sabihin na shock absorber lang namin ang isat isa
ayoko, wag ganun.
alam namin na we have somthing, beyond words. kahit hindi sabihin.
maybe, just maybe. this is something closer to LOVE. cliche' pero totoo.
hindi kami pero okey kami.
walang commtiment
walang strings attached
walang pressure.

para walang masaktan.

sometimes i habe the urge to squeeze his blood from turnips pero i refuse myself from doing it. nakatakot. dalawa lang naman ang pwedeng sagot dun. at ayokong madinid ano man yun.

tama na yun ganito. siguro all i have to do is to keep my spirits up, enjoy every moment but a also have to take it.

dont cry for the moon pawi...


matuto sa nakaraan..

nakita ko yung lumang notebook ko sa ilalim ng kama ko kanina.
nakalimutan kong may nagawa akong poem para kay JAPS dati.
sana mabasa niya.
hahaha =D


this is my last poem for him
i am a sad poet without his love.
my verses are dead and my heart is barren
my hand should never write sweet lines about his eyes.
she owns him.
she own the man i love.
the night is crest fallen and the stars in my sky are gradually fading.
this is the last night that i'll cry.
no tears should fall again from these eyes.
to feel immense sorrow
to feel immense pain without his love
my tears cant buy his heart
this is the last night ill dram about him
i have to wake up and go back to reality
he never loved me
and i never owned him.
its difficult to forget those eyes
it'd be like stopping my heart from beating
and my blood from flowing incessantly in my body
this is the last night that ill love him
this is the last night ill worship the man who inspired my verses
there's nothing in this world that i wouldn't do for him,
my heart cares for him
my heart loves him
but he doesnt need it...the whole world knows that i can live without him
but i know that I CANT LIVE WITHOUT HIM